B-SCAN with Victoria Lansford

B-SCAN is a series of interviews with bloggers who include blogging as part of their integral transformative practice, and those who are "consciously" aware of the impact of blogging on self, culture, and nature, "integrally informed" or otherwise.

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Make no mistake about it, Victoria Lansford is a super-mom; no, make that super-woman; no, make that super-human. When she’s not busy spending quality time with her son, Skyler, or burning the midnight oil in her studio while deeply engaged in metalsmithing, or organizing integral salons, or bellydancing, or doing Salsa "on the floor," she still finds time to blog her heart out, underwears and all. Nakedly treading on both domains, which are seemingly dominated by men – blogging, and integral theory/practice –- Victoria bares forth her unique and much-needed feminine perspectives for all sentient beings to learn from, laugh at, cry over, and to simply get to know the interior behind the exterior known as “V.” I’m deeply honored to have her as the first babe woman in this B-SCAN series.

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*** Why blog? How did you get started with blogging?

Thanks for asking me to be the first chick of the B-SCAN, Rommel! [ed. and thanks for not addressing me as coolmel!] My introduction to blogging was your blog and Ottmar Liebert's. They were my crash course in integrating blogging into a larger framework of life and art. Blogging gives me an incredible sense of freedom in writing and has become an important part of my creative endeavor as a whole.

But you want the REAL reason I first started blogging? Well, to get over a wild and crazy love affair.

I'd always dreamed of writing and would jot down on scraps of paper phrases as they came into my head, but I'd never allowed myself time to pursue it fully. Then a few years ago I was in a long distance relationship that had all the artistic and mystical intrigue of a Nick Bantock book. I enjoyed spending time writing long love emails, and in the process, watched my writing style develop the way I had always wanted. My, um, audience was very appreciative of my descriptions and wacky sense of humor (no not just erotic stuff ;-) ), and my accounts of Skyler, work, and life in general kept him entertained on long sailing trips.

After I got over the ending of the relationship, I realized how much I missed writing as a means of gaining perspective and framing my world. Being able to continue a kind of dialoging journal filled that void and propelled me into exploring other topics. The notorious photo at the top of my blog was taken on my former friend’s boat. It really does symbolize the way I approach life, and I also included it in deep gratitude for the man who inspired me to find this part of my voice and encouraged me to share it.

*** Your blog is not the typical one with all the bells and whistles. In fact you describe it as a "rebellious semi-hidden blog." Well, it's not hidden anymore :) I'm just wondering, what software do you use to post your entries?

Funny you should ask that. A very good techie friend of mine is finally dragging me into more "bells and whistles" side of blogging. I've been using Dreamweaver, and the blog has just been another page within my site. It's a pain in the backside, but my reason for doing it is aesthetic. I want my blog to have the same feel as the rest of my site, and I don't like having to write creatively in a blank white box even if it's easier to manage. The new blog will have the same look but will allow same page comments and RSS feeds. Even the user interface has my purple background, so my virtual creative space will feel like home to me.

As for the rebellious semi-hidden bit, well, I've always had this very professional image. It helps in the arts not to come across as a flighty disorganized mess when dealing with the business side of things. Blogging is my bohemian balance, a taste of the real me in one corner of the site where I let it all hang out, and a chance to flex/stretch my other creative drives.

My reason for hiding it though, was that I didn't want it to be the first place a prospective gallery clicked when checking out my work. It just won't do for them to read all about what a hard time I've had getting to my bench lately before they've seriously explored my metalwork, but I believe the artist's personality is the frequently missing piece of the artwork pie. People do like knowing what inspires artists, what makes us tick. The links are subtly placed, so if anyone wants to know more about me, they can certainly find out, yet victorialansford.com remains a place largely about my metalwork and metalsmithing classes.

That the blog has taken on a life of it's own and developed a following is wonderful. My audience used to be only people I shared it with or who stumbled across it via the obscured links, but when Brandy George linked it on the Integral Naked forum I remember feeling my face go red. Up until then I think I had kidded myself into believing no one was actually reading all the very personal information I was posting, but half naked girl was now really ‘naked.’ I’m grateful to Brandy and to everyone who has linked it. Now about half the traffic on my site is to my blog. Sometimes someone I didn’t realize (or forgot) reads it will start talking to me about something I’ve recently blogged and seemingly overly controlled professional woman here gets embarrassed beyond belief. I think, “Oh good lord, my piano tuner read my post about underwear.” which is only slightly weirder than thinking I’ve put some of my non-integral-geek readers to sleep going off about some tidbit of controversy.

I joke that my blog is a kind of strip tease writing. Some of what I write is intensely personal and revealing. Sometimes I’m peeling away quite a few of the layers only to come back with a post that is on an entirely different track, usually because it’s a new day and I’m in a different mood. I think my originally hiding it gave me the initial safety to be more provocative. I was only dropping a shoulder strap to a small audience of people I mostly knew, so to speak. But yes, you’re right. It’s out there now.

*** How much time do you spend writing on your blog? What satisfaction do you get from blogging?

I always mean to spend about 20 minutes a day on blogging, but every time I sit down to do it, stuff just pours out of me, and I end up writing for as much as 1-1/2 hours on longer posts. I seem to blog endlessly in my head. Sometimes I catch myself mentally describing the events I’m experiencing. It’s not that I’m not being fully present, but that snippets of creatively crafted phrases float thru my mind here and there as if some other part of my brain is developing the best way to frame an experience. The frustrating part is that I’m sometimes far more insightful or humorous in my mind while brushing my teeth than I feel I am when I’m finally typing. As I said, at first blogging filled a void, but now its (dare I say the word?) an integral part of my creative process, a way to put my thoughts and ideas out there, as well as a way to bitch and girl gossip, um, I mean express my erudite opinions. ;-)

Sometimes my life is strangely isolating. It's evolving a little as my son gets older and easier to take places, but I'm a solo, stay-at-home, home schooling parent, who is self employed with a studio in my house. There are many days it's just Skyler and me, and I don't talk to another adult. On those days especially, blogging keeps me sane!

*** Do you think blogging is an artform, or just another fad?

Yes. It's both. I've seen blogs that one might be hard pressed to call art, and then there are blogs that make me revel in reading them because the writing is so good and the topics so creatively handled. Either way I think it's a great thing to do. One doesn't have to be Rembrandt to get pleasure and an outlet out of painting. 15 years ago, I couldn't have imagined there'd be such a thing as blogging. 15 years from now there will probably be a different format we can't even imagine yet, but I think now that this type of outlet is out there, some form of it is here to stay. People all over the world have an opportunity to feel heard at an unprecedented level. That’s not going to disappear.

*** Now let's talk about the juicy-cool stuff. So what does a Master of Bronze Age gold and silversmithing do on a typical day? Sounds like a cool gig to me.

Well, I do bitch about my crazy life, but yeah, it's a pretty cool gig. I get to do what I love for a living, AND what I do for a living is also a deeply spiritual practice for me. How many people can get paid for what puts them in a nondual state?

Still, my days are just downright nutty. I joke I have the ultimate integral lifestyle because I have to cram in a little of just about everything into one day. If I don't have to get out of the house before lunch, then the routine is something like wake up out of a dead sleep to a small child in my face that I'm sure I just put to bed a few minutes ago. I am SO NOT a morning person! After I stumble around for a few minutes, I go check my email, check the blogs I read every day, and then usually feel the pull to write. Sometimes I can sneak it in and sometimes there are 47 "Mommy come look at this/fix this/watch this" episodes. By the time I've written a little, solved a few crises, cheered Skyler on for solving riddles on I Spy Fantasy on his iMac, answered 300 questions from this child in the 'why' phase, cleaned the house (I'm really a slob at heart) and grabbed a shower, somehow it's time to fix lunch already. Afternoons are time I spend with Skyler doing whatever it is he's currently into learning or time for us to run errands, then I spend Sky's nap time making phone calls and doing business stuff that is impossible to do with the threat of sudden screeching in the background. Sometimes I can sneak in some writing, but the most restorative thing I can do is work at my bench.

Depending on what day it is, after Sky's nap, I either teach a 3 hour metalsmithing class, take Skyler to a dance class or the park, take him to my mom's and go sneak off to a dance class myself, go to the Atlanta integral salon (of which I'm the organizer), and/or cook dinner. After I get Skyler in bed around 9, I try to practice the piano (I'm a complete novice, but by strange circumstances am the proud owner of a 9' concert grand) or practice belly dancing. About 10pm, I start working at my bench and go until about 2 or 3am. Sometimes I slip in some writing time as well. I am very much a night owl. I thrive when the interruptions of the daytime aren’t a threat and the overall ambient energy level of the outside world is quiet. I start working, and I love it so much, I don’t want to stop. I know I’ll hate myself in the morning, and I know I’ll keep going anyway. The quiet, the sense of unending continuity, and the thrill of seeing my ideas move from vague abstract concepts to concrete forms is just seductive. I have to force myself to stop, and then I usually read before going to bed to wind down. It starts all over again the next day...far too early. Skyler spends one day a week with his dad, and one evening and one day on the weekend (and overnight if I'm really lucky) with my mom. On those days I try to cram in about 10-12 hours at my bench and any social life I can. About every other month I teach a weekend workshop. That's it. There aren't too many moments of down time alone, and my sofa has long ceased to recognize my derriere.

*** Do men get intimidated when they see all the tools in your work studio?

Oh, hell yeah. Most (but thankfully not all) men tend to either want to prove to me they know what to do with my tools (which they usually don't), or they just back away slowly. It gets old. Some guys aren't afraid of my tools, but then they are intimidated seeing me as a woman who is successfully self employed. Either way it bites because, though I know those are their issues not mine, sooner or later it means rejection, and no matter how you frame it, that's no fun. How would a man feel if a woman rejected him for his career and life ambitions or for just being good at something? How would you feel if a woman suddenly felt threatened when she saw your laptop or your guitars?

*** Um, as a guy with two laptops and three guitars, I think I turn off women just before they get threatened. And that’s without yet telling them that I have a blog. Anyway, speaking of men with laptops and guitars, so how did you get started with Integral Theory?

I found Wilber's books and ultimately all the work connected with integral theory because I went to see Ottmar Liebert perform a couple of years ago. He was hawking his website just before intermission, so I checked it out along with his list of highly recommended books. The first one I read was The Marriage of Sense and Soul. I went around for a week perpetually muttering "I knew it! I knew it! I'm not crazy! There is an interior, and this guy's proven it!" I felt permanently absolved of all the crap I'd ever endured from the many subtle and not so subtle reductionists I've encountered in life. I immersed myself in much more of his work then in Marc Gafni’s and David Deida’s, and yes, I have been voted most likely to tease men into reading The Way of the Superior Man.

*** What would you say is the biggest impact of Integral Theory on your outlook in life? Pros, and cons.

Well, I can remember very clearly back in college sitting in my philosophy professor's office asking if there weren't some sort of psycho-philo-physio-socio-cultural way of looking at things and then why the hell not? - The fact I was an art major taking philosophy courses purely out of enthusiasm was regarded as odd enough but then I had to keep asking these goofy questions. - Integral theory finally gave me a way of breaking things down that, paradoxically, helps me put them back together. I'm a big picture kind of person. In one sense, getting into integral theory is it’s own kind of mini-therapy. I no longer waste time doubting or feeling compelled to defend my intuition and perspectives, and so I can focus on building on what I know rather than ceaselessly reinventing the wheel. Of course, while integral theory has given me a better map for instigating change where appropriate, it has also helped me better accept people right where they are with greater compassion and deeper understanding. I don't know that there are any cons since my so called not integrally informed friends already know I'm always into something no one else wants to talk about at parties, and they’re all good at changing the subject. ;-)

*** So where are all the "integral" women? Why do you think the integral scene is dominated by men (and some geeky immature guys)?

(This is the sound of Victoria screaming!) This question has become a big issue for me. I think because there are fewer women than men working for I-I and IN we get overlooked. (Even the contributions of women there seem to get overlooked!) We have less of a blogging presence, but in reality we're right here. At the Integral Artistry Intensive, at Dharmapalooza, and in the integral online course last year at least 1/2 my fellow participants were women. Women lead the New York, Seattle, Kansas City, and Atlanta integral salons. I even know a few women who picked up and moved to Boulder to be part of the local scene, but all we hear about are the guys. I notice women are sometimes more likely to concentrate on application than on theory discussion. Perhaps it's just that women are less likely to make a big deal out of being present. Nonetheless, it's time we got counted and not taken for granted or dismissed as less likely to read thick books. Oh, and I have a soft spot for some of the geeky guys. Occasionally, I break into theory talk and my own cover is blown.

*** Do you consciously apply Integral Theory to your work/artwork?

I'd say I consciously use it to better understand how and what I do. Ok, occasionally I actually do sit around pondering whether fire is a masculine or feminine force and how cool/freaky it is that I take this hard tough stuff and by putting the materials (and sometimes me) thru hell, turn them into delicate pretty stuff by way of physiological developmental lines like finger dexterity and interior developmental lines like spatial relations. Oh my, did I just say that out loud?

Also, understanding that people have different learning styles and needs is essential to being a good teacher. I've always used my knowledge of Myers Briggs types to help me figure out the best approach in working with different students and even collectors and gallery owners. Applying the concepts of levels and lines and quadrants has made me more informed in teaching and has been a big help in learning to navigate better everything that happens outside the studio, that is getting my work out there and selling it. Of course, all that's on the sly. I don't actually speak in integral or MBTI jargon in those situations.

*** What do you dream to accomplish with your artwork?

My dream is for my work to be as recognized and regarded as collectable as the work of someone like Dale Chihuly. I wouldn't turn down a movie deal, but I'm extremely happy making one of a kind works all by myself and wouldn't change that for the world.

My most challenging goal is to change the educational mentality regarding the arts in this country. We have some stupid notion that art, music, and dance are superfluous compared to subjects like math and science, and then we wonder why people in fields such as business lack creative problem solving skills. I believe there needs to be much more awareness that children’s development mimics on a fast track the development of early humans. The earliest technology developed as a result of art, or artifact, manifestation. That is, some person saw a shiny thing on the ground and figured out how to get the gold colored stuff out of it, so he (and yes, quite possibly she) could make something beautiful out of it. The ‘discovery’ of better tool making, the shift from using stone tools to copper or bronze tools, came as a result of this development NOT before it. It is also well documented that people made clay fertility figurines before they thought to make pots. What we think of as essential technology was a side effect of art making. The advantage in industrial societies now is that art is not in service of magic or religion. We’ve freed it, but we’ve nearly squashed it. So what if the curriculum we used in schools to teach children and teens included this awareness? What creativity might we open up in fields like science, medicine, or business?

I’d also like to help bring about more of a Renaissance to the so called ‘applied arts’ in this country. If artists working in the U.S. are to survive, there will have to be a greater appreciation of how metal is forged, glass is blown, fabric is woven, etc. Even people with considerable disposable income have a Wallmart/Zales/get the 3rd world to make it cheap mentality. We go for shiny, and shiny isn’t bad or wrong, but it is limited. I want little kids looking at 3000 year old art objects, who are inspired to become artists like I was to have that opportunity. That is why I still teach the techniques I was so fortunate to learn and pass on the knowledge I’ve acquired and developed.

*** How's Skyler doing?

Skyler is doing great, thanks. He is Mr. Personality. Every where we go, he charms everyone he meets by going up and proclaiming “Hi, I’m Skyler, and this is my friend, Mommy.” A child psychologist would probably have a field day with the implications of that statement, but the joke in our family is that one day soon the next phrase will be “Vote for me!” When we’re at Whole Foods he shows every young attractive woman who’ll listen what he’s got in his little “shopper in training” cart, and I think he’ll probably be the youngest male I ever talk into reading Deida.

Home schooling him, even just being his mom is a trip. I used to worry about how I would teach him the big stuff like how to read, then when he was about 2 he got so tired of asking me what road signs said, he just started reading them. He goes thru phases of obsessions with learning about things (kind of like his mom. ;-) ). He's 5-1/2 now and very much into clocks and time, and it's leading intuitively into math. He won't so much as look at 2-1=___ on a piece of paper, but he'll carry around a clock and suddenly scream, "Mom, we have to leave in 27 minutes!" Of course, developmentally, he’s still a little ‘red’ warlord much of the time, and that takes a great deal of patience as a parent. He’s moving into ‘blue.’ I catch him on the playground shouting the rules he won’t obey at other kids when they break them too. He is more one of a kind than anything else I could ever make.

Having his hearing loss diagnosed last winter and his getting a hearing aid has made the most phenomenal difference in his world, as you can imagine. He really slipped thru the cracks on that one because of his extroverted verbosity, and the frustration of never getting any clear answers from professionals about his very intense behavior was exhausting. Being able to blog about the long and gut wrenching process of endless tests and doctor visits was a huge help in my coping with the problem and therefore gave me more energy to help Sky cope. The support I received thru blogging from friends and even people I've never met really kept me going. The crazy thing was it was easier to blog about it to the world than to tell my own family. Blogging actually felt more intimate and has had such a healing effect. Writing has become essential to my way of being in the world, and though I intend to write books as well, I know I’ll always love blogging.

*** "...always love blogging." Ahhh. Thank you for your time Victoria. And don't forget to send me a copy of your (steamy) book.