~C4Chaos

Vast Fluidic Expanse

I wasn't feeling well yesterday so I took a nap in the afternoon. I remember dreaming that I was floating in a vast fluidic expanse, as if scuba diving in outer space, without an oxygen tank. It was hard to breath. I felt I was dying, suffocating. But I was able to adjust with the new environment and continued floating…. Floating, floating in the bluish fluidic expanse. Floating towards countless stars twinkling from afar. I asked myself, Am I remembering my amniotic existence? And then I find myself back in my bed, surrounded by darkness, feeling much better than before.

Puff the Magic White Cloud

Dragon cloud.
Originally uploaded by Caviar.

I didn't feel like going out this weekend. It's freakin' cold and rainy for a summer. So I just did my errands, stayed home, cooked my meals, and listened to some Tom Leykis archives. Man, he's not your ideal role model, and you'll certainly be pissed at him if you don't have a sense of humor, or if you're on the different side of the gender pool. But the dude is brimming with intelligence, highly opinionated, intimidatingly articulate, an a-hole (and proud of it), has style and knows how to play with his target demographic, and hands-down, he's a lot funnier than SNL.

Anyway, this post is not about a rave, rant, or review of Leykis and his uber-popular Leykis 101 (that will probably come another time, in another post). What I really wanted to blog about is a dream I had while getting an afternoon nap. You see, since I started my ABSolution program, I've noticed that I can remember my dreams more often. Most of these dreams are outrageous, very emotional, and I would recall them when I wake up in the morning. I haven't written them down so I've forgotten most of them. Previously I'd just doze off, plunge into the causal, and the alarm clock will be ringing to greet the next day. No dream recollection. But for the past week, for 6 days straight, I remembered my dreams upon waking up. I think it's one of the synergistic effects of all the supplements, the healthy eating, the cardio, the weight training -- the works. So maybe I'd start writing them down again just to see what other outrageous stuff comes out. Who knows, I might get some cool ideas, or become lucid again.

I was looking at a white mountain, whether it's snow or white sand covering it I could not tell. Something gigantic was digging on the other side, plowing through sands and rocks, digging, digging, anxious to get through. In a span of seconds a gigantic white tiger busted out of the mountain like a Voltron lion. Somehow I knew it was after me. So I run as fast as I could. Then I flew. I flew so high and plunged into a white enormous swirling cloud. Everything was white inside. I was disoriented. No point of reference. All I could see in my mind's eye was an afterimage of a white dragon dancing in the clouds. I started to panic. I hyperventillated.

Then I woke up. Next thing I remember was the sound of Leykis on the speakers, blowing up some guy with a bong hit.

A Mouse and A Black Hole

I dug up my cheesy old dream journal. Here's an entry way back when I was still into lucid dreaming.

02/23/1997 (around 3:00pm)

I had experienced a lucid dream. I dreamt that I was walking up the stairs carrying my clothes (on a hanger). Suddenly I realized that I was dreaming. I became very excited knowing I was experiencing a lucid dream. Realizing I was in a lucid dream, I began to desire what I always wanted to do: to fly.

Upon desiring to fly the dream scenery changed immediately. I was somewhere else. All I can remember was that I was in a dark room. I remember talking with two beings. I can't remember what their form was. But I can remember we were talking about something. I can't remember what we're talking about. All I remember was I got very impatient and uttered the following words: "I'm sick and tired of all these things. Let me experience God/Christ Consciousness!" As I uttered those words one of the beings acknowledged my impatience as if saying, "So be it!" Immediately I began to fall inside a black hole. All I could see were far away stars as I was being sucked by the tremendous force coming from the black hole. I was terrified. I felt that every particle of me was being sucked helplessly. I began to panic.

Then I woke up partially and caught myself between sleeping and waking states. I was still terrified. Then I saw and felt a mouse crawled on my face. I know that I was dreaming, but I still thought that the mouse was for real. I felt panic again (I don't like mice), but this time I tried to relax until the "sleep paralysis" was gone. When I finally woke up I was relieved that the mouse wasn't for real. And then I blamed myself for being so scared while being sucked in the black hole. I thought to myself, "What was waiting for me on the other side?" I told myself not to be afraid again the next time it happens. For I know that what I was searching for lies on the other side of that terrifying and mysterious black hole.

Great Balls of Fire

I used to practice OOBE and lucid dreaming (Castaneda-style). But I've grown tired of the practice. I don't lucid dream anymore, let alone OOBE. In fact, I could barely recall my dreams from the previous night. Either my awareness of the dream state regressed, or I'm currently on awareness plateau (confined to the gross). I like to remember my dreams again, and even lucid dream from time to time, but without too much effort on the practice. From my experience just thinking about the "intention" of lucid dreaming will give me enough boost to recall my dreams again. And what better way to fuel the intention than by blogging about it. So until I can recall my dreams (lucid or otherwise), I'll blog the dreams I wrote down in my private journal under a new category called Dreams --

Thursday, November 8 (2001)

The alarm clock set off at 4:50am. I was still very sleepy but I managed to get off my bed and do my meditation. The experience was less chaotic than yesterday. My left leg still got numb my back hurt a little but I was a little bit relaxed. The monkey-mind is a real pain in the ass to tame. I cannot focus to put myself in a state of relaxation where real meditation begins. But while meditating, I experienced a spontaneous recollection of the dream that I had from the previous night. I also remembered that my dream was in techni-color, cool!

Small balls of light coming down like comets. Red, yellow ball-like flames falling down on people. Somehow I felt that these balls of light are harmless but quite warm when it hits the body. Some people are running from it. Some people are just watching in awe. Then, I find myself talking with someone. We’re staring at the ocean from the beach when suddenly a gigantic fireball (or was it a comet?) falling from the sky hits the surface of the ocean. There was a big explosion on impact resulting in a gigantic dark gray splash. It was similar to a mushroom cloud formed during a nuclear explosion. Witnessing the explosion from across the beach, I sense a dread that it’s only a matter of time till a tidal wave will come rushing at us. So I grabbed that someone who was with me and told him that we should get some protection. I walked at the other side of the beach where a bunch of circular floaters [‘salbabida’ in tagalog], were lying around. There were black, blue, yellow, and green floaters and for some absurd reason, I thought that these toys could protect us. Yeah, they are toys alright.

I was somewhat amused by this dream. If I put some mystical connotations on it, I could interpret them in esoteric ways that will probably just end up romanticizing the whole thing. It really helps to remember that I saw an episode of Enterprise last night wherein they are chasing a newly discovered comet. They also set up an explosive on the comet. Hence, the dream correlation. But the important thing is, I was able to recall the dream, relive it in my mind’s eye and write it here in my journal. It dawned on me that it’s not the content of the dream that was important. It was the actual recollection that had an impact on me.

A question popped up in my mind while writing this entry. Regarding dream recollection, whenever we recall a dream, how do we know that we really ‘dreamed’ of it as oppose to just ‘imagining’ it at the time of the supposed recollection? I guess I need to do my homework on this one. I’ll do some book readings about dreams when I get the time. For now, I’ll just accept whatever I felt that makes sense to me. When I recalled my dream, there was no question that I dreamt of it the previous night. And so it shall stay this way for now. Maybe next time I’ll try to be more conscious while in the dream state and see for myself.

Who Says Sleep is Boring?

Slept all day and dreamt for an eternity...

I saw myself lying on my sleeping bag as another part of me pulled away and went through the wall. As soon as I reached the other side, an army of Lego-like flying machines started chasing me while I was airborne. So I flew upwards past the stratosphere... then plummeted down like a piece of rock so I could shook off their tail...

Then I found myself back on the ground equipped with wooden swords and spears fighting off a giant bird which looked more like a Pterodactyl...

The next thing I remember I was in the body of a martial art dude duking it out with weird Mafia villians....

Woke up at 3pm... Not bad for a day's worth of sleep. But the catch is, I'll be awake the entire night and disturb my neighbor again with my guitar playing, as I stand next to a mountain, chopping it down with edge of my hand -- no psychedelics required.

I Just Wanted to Piss

I went to the bathroom to do my business. As soon as I stepped inside I got dizzy and my surrounding got blurry, as if I was on the inside of a dense fog. I felt so light-headed I could almost float. Then I got scared as morbid thoughts come rushing through my head. Am I having a seizure? Am I having a heart attack? Am I dying?

I motioned towards the bed, decided to lie down and wait for the floating sensation to subside. I was still disoriented. The bedroom retained its smoke-like appearance. I felt like going in-and-out of my body. The sense of dread intensified. What if I'm really dying? Is this how it feels like?

With all my might I thought to myself that I was not yet ready to bail out. I wanted to go back. I wanted to do something useful with my life. I have lots of things to share, knowledge to learn, and caring to give in return.

Then my cellphone rang. And I woke up. Damn! It was all a dream. As soon as I got my senses together, I jumped out of the bed, went to the bathroom, and enjoyed the sensation of pissing. Ahhh, life is good.